"It’s a cold winter’s morning. The fresh scent of pine wisps through the vents of the house. You are lying in bed dreading what is to come next, stepping on the bitter cold hardwood flooring. With each step you take, you swear up and down that you will get frost bite. You sprint across the room, hopping on the small Christmas rug neatly placed in front of the closet door to snatch a pair of slippers to save your poor feet. You smell the scent of pine and then it hits you like a brick, IT'S CHRISTMAS! Suddenly, you become a little kid again. You are all excited for the presents, even though Christmas is about the Lord Baby Jesus. You go to walk out of your door, trying to be quiet but it is a tad hard when your hardwood floors creak with each step, but when you're a ninja like me, you can manuver through these halls like a pro, but when you go to open your door, you discover your little twerp of a brother is sitting there like a lost puppy just waiting. We wake our parents and enter a the living room, so lively with the bright lights of our Christmas tree, shimmering in all directions. Eric dives into the first present of his and the crinkle of the wrapping paper brings back so many memories from my childhood. It is almost as if I am dead in the body of another person, living my life again. I kinda feel like that bunny kid from "A Christmas Story", Ralphy. I don't know why, but all this excitement is like him waiting for his Red Ryder BB Gun!!"
The above paragraph is a demonstration of my english skills which have been aquired throughout the year, thanks to Ms. Owen. I have decided that I have strength in the use of metaphors and sensory details. I speak of the cold and really describe how cold it is. I also mention the scent of the house, which is pine, but I never tell that the pine is the Christmas tree, because it allows the imagination of the reader to discover that. I compared the cold hardwood flooring to having frost bite and that excentuates my point of how cold the floor actually is. My audience is impacted by this because I am really making them visualize what I am doing and how it is affecting the mood. I am really trying to grasp the Christmas spirit and that is why I mention a very famous and well known Christmas classic. I want my reader to be there with me, experiencing my excitemt to open these Christmas gifts. Who cares if I am a 17 year old kid, I can still act like I am a little girl again in order to have fun and bring back memories.
The above paragraph is a demonstration of my english skills which have been aquired throughout the year, thanks to Ms. Owen. I have decided that I have strength in the use of metaphors and sensory details. I speak of the cold and really describe how cold it is. I also mention the scent of the house, which is pine, but I never tell that the pine is the Christmas tree, because it allows the imagination of the reader to discover that. I compared the cold hardwood flooring to having frost bite and that excentuates my point of how cold the floor actually is. My audience is impacted by this because I am really making them visualize what I am doing and how it is affecting the mood. I am really trying to grasp the Christmas spirit and that is why I mention a very famous and well known Christmas classic. I want my reader to be there with me, experiencing my excitemt to open these Christmas gifts. Who cares if I am a 17 year old kid, I can still act like I am a little girl again in order to have fun and bring back memories.
Molly, I really like your travel narrative It reminded me of how I feel on Christmas morning, minus the cold wooden flooring, because well, I have a carpeted floor. But you really used great sensory detail! I really felt like I was there, running to the Christmas tree like a ninja (I also think it’s pretty cool that you made a reference to a ninja. Very nice ;)), trying to avoid cold feet, and waking up my parents at the butt crack of dawn to open presents. I also think you did an excellent job with your sensory details. Instead of just flatly saying, “The house smelled like a Christmas tree,” you showed the reader what it smelled like by describing the pine scent in the air. I know that Mrs. Owen has wanted us to show, but not tell, and you did! So good work! Oh, and the reference to “A Christmas Story” is great. It gave me a better visual of the scene because I had something to relate it to.
ReplyDeleteYour short narrative was fantastic! I would actually feel myself fill with excitement at the thought of Christmas being so near. The beginning was great as everyone knows the dread of getting out of bed on a cold, winter morning. Your diction was perfect for this piece and instead of writing the cold floor, you wrote “the bitter cold hardwood flooring.” I liked your large range of actions from “snatching” to “maneuvering”. It’s clear that your range of vocabulary is much larger than others and even myself! I don’t have younger siblings, yet I felt that annoyance from your “twerp of a brother.” There was humor in your work; I am not surprised. You seem to always brighten things up with your humor. When you describe walking across the wooden floors and the creaking of the floors, you added “but when you’re a ninja like me, you can maneuver through these halls like a pro.” What a great way to add small humor. I can just picture you jumping around on hardwood floor like a ninja in your slippers! The ending was great by comparing your excitement to Ralphy’s excitement from “A Christmas Story”. Great job Polly! It was fantastic! :)
ReplyDeleteThe use of sensory details in this paragraph transport the reader back to their own experiences of Christmas, especially the excitement and anticipation of Christmas Day. The opening of presents, time spent with family, and everything else that makes Christmas special is captured by the use of these details. One of the introductory sentences, “The fresh scent of pine wisps through the vents of the house,” expertly sets the scene, as the fresh scent of pine is characteristic of Christmas morning. The comparisons using similes/metaphors also create further points of identification for the reader. For example, “It is almost as if I am dead in the body of another person, living my life again. I kinda feel like that bunny kid from "A Christmas Story", Ralphy.” If the reader is familiar with that movie then they have further information that can be used to relate to the reader. Finally, I 100% relate to the concluding sentence in the analysis of the paragraph, “Who cares if I am a 17 year old kid, I can still act like I am a little girl again in order to have fun and bring back memories.” Sometimes it really is best to just be a kid again for a while, and this concluding sentence expertly sums up the purpose of the written paragraph.
ReplyDelete-Melissa Kahl